I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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