I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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