Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
