Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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