Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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