tonight lets celebrate not being married
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
