She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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