Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
