I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
