I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
