its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
