Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
