Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
this boner is exhausting
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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