So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
