Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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