she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
