I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
