found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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