Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
