I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
