dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
