you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
