i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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