Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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