The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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