Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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