the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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