Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
