i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
