My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
