I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
