Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
