Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
