Rock
Scissors
Fuck
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
