Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Randomize
