dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
