she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
