I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
