I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
