I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
