remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i believe in u and ur pee
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
