You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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