The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
