I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
