Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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