Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
