I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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