I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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