Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
