ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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