AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
