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I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
