At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
