And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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