The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
