Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
