he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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