i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
