omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
