After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
