I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
