Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
