We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
