she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
