I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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