The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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