Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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