apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
