I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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