And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
