I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize