Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
