i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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