im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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