There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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