He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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