1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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