Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
