There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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