apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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