Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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