also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the condom got lost in my hair
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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