Do you still have your period?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
