I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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