Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
