there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
