I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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