So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
