Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
