She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
