she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
