I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
