wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
