K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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