It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
