He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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